Oh God, Why Am I Here?
by deant33
Summary: What would happen if I entered the One Piece world? God, or as I've recently found out, this particular Random Omnipotent Being, only knows. Expanded Crew, Self Insert, Pairings probably happen, but minor part of the story. Adventure people, duh. M for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello again! It is I, leclair! Um, sorry for basically abandoning my last OP fic. Anyway, this is a self-insert. How far will it go? Fucked if I know. I'll be entering the OP world with knowledge up until the chapter due out on the 19th of April. I'm struggling on ways to keep Isan (Japanese translation of my name) too OP since I'm throwing out the "comes from our world so auto weaker than everyone in this world" clause, so any suggestions would be helpful (Other than him being unbearably arrogant and smug).**

**Disclaimer: (G)Oda owns One Piece. Not me. If I did, Johnny and Yosaku would 100% be on the crew.**

* * *

**Oh God, Why Am I Here?**

Life sucks. I'm bored, my favourite Manga isn't far off ending, cricket season had ended, and I'm no longer playing footy. Soon enough my phone pinged and I checked Facebook to see a friend request from "Riley Oscar Brownhill". Shrugging my shoulders I clicked accept.

As I put my phone back in my pocket as I walked down the leafy Eastern Suburbs of Melbourne, dread came over me. This was exactly the start to literally every Self Insert fic I'd ever read. It couldn't happen to me, right?

RIGHT?

The wind going through the rustling of leaves almost sounded like a laugh. Great. The Universe was laughing at me now. For fucks sake.

I didn't really delay the inevitable after that, checking my phone again, seeing a few messages pop up from my new "friend".

ROB: Hey! You were thinking that you were bored of this world.  
ROB: So I'm going to do you a favour, you're heading into the One Piece World!  
ROB: But first, you get three things so you're not completely outclassed once you get there!

This was a tough choice. I could get a wicked Devil Fruit, like a Mythical Zoan or I could get Luffy's training in that fic where he becomes a Marine. Um, _To Protect Everything_ I think it was called, or even get to raise Luffy and Ace, which if nothing else would be entertaining.

*Ping!*

I looked at my phone again and my heart fell. Well, at least I got some cool things before blowing my third fucking wish on something that is completely useless.

ROB: Fantastic, you've chosen your wishes! Now look to your left!

Doing as I told, I winced as I looked across and saw what could only be a Devil Fruit. Picking it up, I took a bite and swallowed it. It tasted like Brussel Sprouts, a rotting carcass and off cheese. Honestly, how I managed to stomach it is beyond me.

Now I know everyone probably hates the cliched "And then I fell through a portal to this other world" spiel, but I'm not sure how else to describe it. A small wormhole literally opened up below my feet and I fell straight down.

On top of a Straw Hatted man that _definitely_ had red hair and two arms at this point.

And then I passed out.

* * *

**A/N2: So a pretty standard start. Let me know what you think and what flaws I can give to Isan! I really don't want him to be a Gary Stu. See all of you, well, whenever I update I guess. Will it be today, tomorrow? Unlikely. Next week? Maybe. Later than that? Most likely.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, uh, a year? I haven't abandoned this I promise but it's been a busy year and there was stuff that happened to my laptop and now I have a new one but I've lost all my notes so completely restarting from here. And since I've completely forgotten at which point my insert was supposed to know, he now knows until chapter 975.**

* * *

**Oh God, Why Am I Here?**

So. I was unceremoniously dropped into One Piece. I've eaten a mythical Zoan Devil Fruit (which hopefully means I don't have to have that animal companion that most of the other sef-inserts have). Feeling around, it seems I've gotten my "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" shirt, cargo shorts, and oddly enough my old tae kwon do uniform was in my bag as well as my smartphone. Huh, seems I have unlimited internet here.

A couple of messages from ROB popped up on my screen when I picked it up, hopefully there was no Soundbite equivalent in this world.

_ROB: So, you've eaten your Devil Fruit. Spoiler alert, it's the Inu Inu no mi, model: Hellhound._

_ROB: So I couldn't just give you haki and rokushiki straight off the bat, that would be boring! So instead I've given you the knowledge to be able to train it to a good enough level if you work hard._

_ROB: Lastly, you're not too far from Foosha village and Higuma just left so maybe you should head down there now!_

I groaned as I read the messages. Well, at least I might be able to change a few things now that I'm here. Like Johnny, Yosaku, Kaya, and god knows how many people joining the crew. However I had to think myself up a dream, and probably a role on the crew. Hell, maybe I could travel with Ace up until the point he joins Whitebeard.

* * *

Soon enough I was walking down the path towards Party's Bar, grumbling about the fact that they were out of booze at this point in time. Opening the door flaps and entering, Shanks' crew looked at my shirt and burst out laughing immediately. Lucky Roux walked up and slapped me on the back, shouting, "NOW THIS IS MY KIND OF GUY!"

A couple of seconds passed slowly before I started laughing at the top of my lungs, "TAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I slapped Lucky Roux on the back as I did, grinning from ear to ear as I sat next to the redheaded pirate captain, looking at his drenched clothes, "The drink is supposed to go in your mouth, not on your shirt," I grinned, nudging his arm.

He laughed his laugh again, nudging my ribs, "I like you, what's your name?" with his hand proffered towards mine.

"Iwa Isan at your service, Red Hair Shanks," I grinned like a fool, taking his hand in mine as I shook, "What's someone of your prestige doing here in the East Blue?"

He shook his head softly, replying quickly, "This is probably the last chance I get to travel to the Blues uninterrupted. They're thinking about putting me in the same class as Big Mum, Kaidou and Whitebeard. Whilst my movements are already restricted it'll be nothing compared to what it will be once they make the call on that."

I nodded in understanding, my eyes flicking everywhere as if the World Government were in this very bar. I knew Shanks wasn't quite a Yonko yet, but confirmation always helped, "Of course. I expect you guys will go out to sea again reasonably soon?"

He nodded, "One last mission before we head back to the New World. I'm guessing you're not interested?"

"In joining your crew? I'll pass. I'm nowhere near the combat ability that a Yonko crew requires. Plus, how many devil fruit users do you have on your crew?"

He grimaced and shook his head, "None, and hoping it stays that way. We want to be up there with the best with only one thing. I'm guessing you use one given the question?"

I nodded softly, "Only just ate it recently. Besides, I think me and this kid will be great friends. Hey, do you have any contacts in the Revolutionaries?"

He shook his head. "I barely know anything about them other than the leader's name is Dragon and he has a bounty that outstrips Whitebeard. Why, do you know much?" The suspicion rising on his face.

I shook my head, "Not much more other than the fact he's a holder of the Will of D, and he's the son of a very prominent marine, and the father to someone who'll make a splash later in life," my eyes flicking towards the boy who had just eaten a devil fruit, Shanks' eyebrows rising in surprise.

"Luffy's his kid? Well, that's an interesting development. Wait, that means Garp's Dragon's dad? Damn, that is an interesting family dynamic."

Our conversation trailed off and I helped Luffy and Makino clean up. Well, I helped Makino by cleaning up whatever Luffy broke whilst she kept on going with the rest of the pub.

Once we were done, Luffy looked at me and asked "So, what were you and Shanks talking about? I heard my name come up," the D-like grin forming on his face.

I looked at the kid with a small smirk crossing my lips, "Oh, this and that. I wondered why he was here in the East Blue when there are only four people in the world with higher bounties than him actually. One of them is your dad, by the way."

"SHANKS IS THAT STRONG? Wait, I have a dad?" The confusion was apparent on the rounded face as a finger was stuck up his nose.

I chuckled softly, this kid was hilarious, "Yeah. Everyone has a dad, didn't you know that?"

"No."

I sweatdropped at the blunt reply. Luffy was the future King of course, but he didn't really have diplomacy down to a fine art at this stage, or, well, at any stage. "Of course you didn't," came the sigh before I directed my attention towards the green-haired owner of the bar, "Excuse me Miss, is there a hotel in town I can stay at?"

Makino smiled softly and shook her head, "Sorry, it got destroyed by Higuma's men a couple of weeks ago. You can stay here overnight, we have plenty of room. As a thanks for helping clean up."

I laughed again and nodded, "Thank you, a couch would be fine to sleep on."

"We have about 3 bedrooms free, no need for that," she easily turned that down. I shrugged, a bed or couch didn't really make much difference.

* * *

A few days passed before the bandits came back. I went into the jungle a couple of times, mostly to train my old tae kwon do skills. The basis of this martial art was kicking and even though I was good, I never competed in it seriously, more going down the self defence route. I also trained my devil fruit a tiny bit, making sure to get Luffy's scent so I could track him down if Higuma managed to disappear again

The day after Shanks set sail was the day Higuma and his cronies were supposed to be back so I wanted to make sure I was there for any confrontation.

It's odd seeing a scene first hand as opposed to on a screen or in a book. Especially when you know what will happen.

Higuma and co were talking brashly in the bar, bragging about how strong they were, and how "useless" and "weak" those pirates were. They went on and on about it so when Luffy shouted angrily at them it was kinda different. Even at this early age I could feel his conquerors haki showing up. Not strong enough to floor anyone but damn, that Will of D. was extremely powerful, even when he was seven.

Unfortunately thinking about that meant I didn't realise that Higuma and his men had taken Luffy outside and I only got there when Shanks had arrived, and with a glance at Yasopp, I could tell that they meant business. And that I was in trouble when he glared at me. Damn it.

Aaaaaaaand Shanks was panicking goddamnit. "Shanks, calm down, I can track Luffy's scent," was all I said as I transformed into hellhound mode, chasing after the scent, and luckily for us we caught up _well_ before they reached the water. Shanks was excellent when delivering the one-two punch to knock the bandit out cold. Well, when I say one-two, I really mean one severely powered down punch.

* * *

It was only a few days later that Shanks left.

"Hey Luffy, not gonna plead with me that you want to come on my ship again?" He joked, I was only a short distance away, listening to the conversation just in case anything changed.

"No way! I'm going to be the worlds greatest marine, even surpassing your crew Shanks! I'll protect everyone I love and become Fleet Admiral!"

"Okay, I'll give you this hat for safe keeping. Give it back to me when you become Fleet Admiral Luffy."

Ah, Luffy becoming Fleet Admiral, just as I thought. Wait, WHAT?!

* * *

Okay, do you want to know what was really said?

Well, actually it was pretty much the same except sub in Pirate King for Fleet Admiral.

Shanks and his officers had decided to use me as a sparring, well, I wouldn't say partner, more like dummy, for the next few days, and that was thanks to me explaining Luffy had used a bit of conquerors haki, so please don't feel the need to add fire and pitchforks to the equation in your reviews. Seriously, those guys used me much like Sanji and Zoro used each other. The difference being that I was East Blue standard at best against fricken Yonko commanders.

Thankfully it was a couple of months later that Garp showed up. Allowing me to heal just in time for him to break me again.

* * *

**A/N2: Oh come on guys, I had to make an April Fools joke! Eh, I know it's not my best work but if you read it, thank you. Who knows, COVID-19 might help me update more regularly. I mean it's unlikely, but still!**

**I'm hoping to cover most of the stuff up until Gray Terminal the next chapter, followed by Isan joining Ace for a little while (read: up until he meets and joins Whitebeard). I'm going to have fun with that, being Ace's uncle will be fun.**

**That being said, I'm unlikely to act on Blackbeard until Luffy's journey. Isan will be cold towards him, but that's it.**


End file.
